Recent dream

I go to sleep asking for help from my Angels and for dreams that will help me work through the issues I hold on to while awake.

My latest dream was about being trapped in an uncomfortable space. I had been in my own space/dimension with friends and we were goofing off and found ourselves in a lesser space/dimension (not evil just less evolved). We were there only a short time - in and out rather quickly. While my friends finished up what they were doing I decided to see if I could get back, I was curious.

I got in just fine but found myself unable to get out. The entire space was contaminated with a dark red-ish glow. I found myself years younger and with a boy that was trying to help me get back from where I came. They treated each other with little to no respect and there was violence everywhere.

We tried everything. Even after he escorted me back to the porch that was needed in order to "make the leap" back I couldn't do it. He eventually brought a turquoise light to shine to drown out the red hoping that it would help. It did not.

I had become too attached to this boy. How could I not? He was trying to help me, he was trying to keep me safe, didn't I own him at least that in return? I woke up before I had made it back safely but knew that I needed to finish THIS dream - I went back in to relaxing and had no idea how I was going to make it back but knew I needed to let the dream play out.

I did finally make it out of that space. I figured out that I couldn't take the boy with me. The most I could do was invite him and hope he made it out. Then I gave him a gentle kiss and made my leap of faith off the porch, finally not landing on the ground a few feet out.

I had made it!

This dream had so much meaning to me. I first found the colors very interesting.

• Red: Vigor, strength,energy, power and sex, and this red was a dark dirty yucky red and their world was just that
• Turquoise: freed soul, calmness and purity

But mainly I felt the dream was about letting go of false/ self imposed burdens. I didn't have a responsibility to ensure the boy made it safely. I just needed to make sure that I didn't get stuck in that place. The boy could and would take care of himself.

I think that it's hard for us because we are taught from an early age to help others before ourselves. IF someone goes against this fundamental teaching and helps themselves first they are branded selfish.

I leave you with this thought tonight. . . IF we are all here, on this earth, trying to find our true self's then is it truly bad to be "self-ish" once in a while? Can we ever really find our true self if we aren't "self-ish" at least once in a while? (And who says our true selves are so bad anyway?)

Happy adult, fact or fiction?

The writing bug is just not bitting tonight, maybe I threw her out with the excess that was in my crawl space.

Here I am on to organizing and today was my linen closet. I will tell you the funnest thing happen today, I realized that I am becoming happy. Yeah I know what you are thinking, why wasn't I happy before. Well my friend two things come to mind. One, I thought I was and two, I think because I was holding on too tight to the past.

This weeks lesson for me was this; getting rid of old emotional baggage is good. I don't know why because it seems so clear now but I thought that I could hold on to everything from my past (good and not so good) and still be able to open my arms to the future. I feel so SO much more free now and for the first time in a long time was very entertained by something simple again. (I read about a way to keep your bedding organized - put the sheets and pillow cases into an extra pillow case.) This little tiny bit of knowledge was so inspirational for me that I have decided to make/sew my very own bedding holders. The point here being that I found joy, true joy, from something small again.

I don't know when I stopped being filled with happiness but I am glad to say it's on its way back. My husband is cynical by nature and I think that perhaps, being that I am so sensitive, I took this into my own personality. Recently when I noticed my son picking up on this too, I knew something had to change. I am happy that I will now be a positive influence for my son, showing him that you can be happy and an adult all at the same time. :o)